Licenced to Chuckle

Pandiyan Vairamani
3 min readApr 22, 2020


If James Bond films are remade in these days of global pandemic, social isolation and invisible enemies…..

Dr N95
James Bond is charged with the task of unmasking the evil Doctor who wears a special facial covering which makes him unable to emphathise and renders him heartless.

From China with Love
James Bond travels east on his adventures and finds an understanding bride who will put up with his frequent disappearances.

Mold Finger
MI5 is troubled by a plague caused by Q’sexperiment gone wrong and gave every one icky and itchy fingers. James has to bring an antidote.

On Her Majesty’s Quarantine Call
The Queen has an unusual idea for her 100th birthday — every citizen should stay home and watch her TV speech. James Bond is called in to rein in the rule breakers.

Isolation Forever
M grows weary of James Bond gallywanting all around the world and assigns him a desk job in the basement. Bond must plot his escape and get out.

Lockdown and Let Die
James Bond has an strange desire to become an author but all books under a pseudonym get rejected. After therapy he is better and he wants bury all his papers deep the den, wire it with bombs and escape safely in time.

The Man with a Foldin Mask
James Bond has the task of babysitting an inventive scientist who comes up with an easy portable paperthin masks and the Academy of Bank Robbers want to get hold of it.

The Guy who Infected Me
James Bond must outclass and outmanouvre a cunning villain who infects him with a rare disease making him compulsively write lists and alternate plotlines for popular films

As James Bond sets out for his much needed vacation, the villain walks by him on the sidewalk and coughs into his face. Will James continue with his plans are isolate himself and troll the villain through social media

James Bond is on a quest to discover the evil villain who creates a computer malware which comes alive when people click on eight fake news articles on social media.

A Virus to Kill
This is a sequesl to Octovirussy after Bond unmasks the villain but still needs get a suitable antivirus programme which takes 12 to 18 months.

The Curfewed Daylights
James Bond is stumped when he follows a gang evil teen influencers of social media when their parents ground them forcing them to stay indoors for not eating breakfast.

Licence to Spread
James Bond decides to help out the MI5 kitchen staff and takes an undercover job in a marmalade factory and must learn the chemical secrets of super spreadability.

Corona Never Dies
On a special request from Charles, James Bond takes on a task to with find the secret of Corona, that is Queen’s nickname, and her immortality.

The Ward is Not Enough
James Bond lends a hand to an medical NGO without borders as they wander deep into remote regions curing insomnia among pimitive tribals.

Corvid Royale
The ultimate challenge for James Bond as he enlists the support of super intelligent crows, corvids, as he faces an invisible enemy funded by makers of soaps, sanitisers, toilet rolls and online training programmes.

Let me stop here, dear readers, as this is No Time to Die reading silly Hollywood plots.

Shakespeare is said to have written some of his famous plays during the plague. That clearly shows that social isolation is very good for creativity and safety. Imagine if we had only two plays from Shakespeare if he succumbed to plague. So stay home and stay safe.




Pandiyan Vairamani

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