In recent memory, we never had a real global crisis. Climate change, forest fires, xenophobia, racism were all too distant for me, the Common Man. Covid 19 is different. It touches me personally. It is mainstream.
So what do you do in a crisis? You pray or fantasize. I, the Common man prayed. Prayed hard. God answered. I pleaded, ‘Oh God, thank you. Can you help me?’
‘Dear child, I can show the way but you have to do some work yourself. Put together a team. Team made up of greats. A dream team. Perhaps I can make help you make it work.
‘And remember a great team is one where everyone is not identical but they all have something in common. Can you do that, Common Man?’
‘Yes, dear God. I will give you not one but many to choose from.”
I went about making Dream Teams of different types. To fight Covid 19.
Dream Team of Pop Stars
Bob Dylan — Responsible for finding magical answers blowin’ in the wind.
Michael Jackson — Responsible for beating the hell out of Coronavirus and hanging them dry from the balcony.
Billy Joel — Responsible for communication, pointing out that we didn’t start the virus.
Justin Bieber — You think Coronavirus would hang around if Justin is around.
Beyonce — Goddess of all she surveys. Answers only to Ambani.
Dream Team of TV Networks
CNN — They can break anything and anytime. Not just news. Coronavirus stands no chance. Upbeat music and psychedelic graphics will drive away the virus giving them a headache.
BBC — They are always balanced except when it comes to the third world. But then third world is not affected so much so far.
RT (Russia Today) — They will despatch their interviewees who can measure cathedral heights and carry deadly liquids. Soap water is nothing for them.
Doordarshan — They can sing lullabys and put coronavirus to sleep.
Fox — They are brilliant strategists. They will hoax the virus to submission.
Dream Team of James Bond Villains
Dr No — Has two hearts and possibly four lungs. Has that extra protection to fight.
Blofeld — Unkillable. Drop him down a factory chimney, explode a bomb under his chair. He will come back to fight in the sequel.
Scaramanga — Needs only one bullet. Very efficient on resources.
Dr Kanunga — Can bring the dark arts of voodoo to drive away the virus.
Zorin — Will wipe out the silicon valley destroying all computers with virus having nowehere to go. (It is not that kind of virus, you idiot)
Dream Team of Statesmen
Erdogan — He will release all coup prisoners and lock up all coronavirus.
Duterte — Coronavirus will stand no chance against his stream of swear words and open license to kill.
Trump — Will keep everyone entertained with his daily briefings.
Modi — Will provide interactive entertainment with songs and music. It is spirituality, community and crowdsourcing.
Bolsonaro — Will bring in the army, clear out the forest and cough away the virus.
Viktor Orban — An intern to the above.
Counsellors to the team — Putin, Xi JinPing and Indhra Gandhi.
Dream Team of Naturalists
Bear Grylls — Will mix the virus in his urine and drink it. Is he a naturalist?
Steve Irwin — Will bring in crocodiles which have magical immunity.
Jane Goodall — Will understand the social system of viruses and their language which nobody appreciated so far. Nothing like empathy.
Sir David Attenbourough — Will give his name to the team so that the popular Virus McVirusFace is not heard ever again.
Capatain Haddock — His spirits, sailor swear words will keep all virus at bay and at sea.
Getafix — Oh, what a brew this Gaulish druid can make! The virus will mutate into an opera singer.
Lucky Luke — The fastest gun in the west who can shoot faster than his shadow. Enough said.
Garfield — Will be there to remind everyone not to get worked up and go back to napping. Best philosophy of life for a common man.
Superman — Will fly faster than light (turning Einstein his grave) and let us all go back in time before Coronavirus.
Ironman — Responsible for PPEs and WFH with 3d Holograms
Dr Strange — His strange light glyphs will confuse coronavirus and his medical knowledge will come in handy.
Hanuman — Will send his army to clean up the wet market and bring the mountain (in whole) which has Sanjeevini, a panacea.
Wonder Woman — Her lasso will get the true and full genetic code of the virus and she will help Ironman with PPEs
I wanted to make team of philosophers, nursery rhyme characters and some more. But enough work for the day. Time to punch out.
God was pleased with the lists. ‘Ummm… any of these should work. You choose the team you like’
I, a common man, have no decisiveness or initiative. I look for orders from above. I asked God, ‘Dear God, what would be your choice?’
‘Well, Just put Chuck Norris and Rajinikanth in the team. Give them Superman, Iron Man and Wonder Woman as Interns. Problem solved’
‘That is a real Super Duper Dream Team,’ I cried. ‘But god, please make sure Twitter does not delete Rajini’s messages to coronavirus.’
Now I, the Common Man, can go to sleep and let things take care of themselves.
All pictures are from Wikimedia and are in public domain.